One of my best finds on YT, Do it in the AM from Frankmusik featuring the Far East Movement (who, with BEP, is one my hero bands lately):
And speaking of BEP, it's time to switch up!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
War against the mundane
There's an internal conflict within me that God answers in whispers.
Right now, facing two very real challenges that anchor me to the safety of the mundane, the safety of the familiar and the ordinary, I am fighting to continue to discover who else I can be. I admire the men who charted their own paths in the world without regard to the challenges their families will face because of their own journey.
Do I love my family too much that I am willing to sacrifice the prime of my life just to deliver their needs? Do I put too much importance on a romantic bond that I'd want to promise forever, but I cannot because forever means getting tied with limited access to life options? Are my current conveniences holding me back? For example, am I willing to lose my car in favor of battling it out again and hopefully get another one (which should be leagues in upgrade) in the process? But maybe, I'm asking the wrong questions. The leader in me asks me, shouldn't the question be, how I can move forward with all of these in my bag of responsibilities?
I want to produce events, but how without money? I want to study interior design so I can design spaces and things, but how without time? I want to design experiences, but how without the means? I feel like my true life, the one I should be living, the one I am here for to live, is living under the surface of my regular life as a brother, as a loving partner, as a manager. And sometimes, I wish I'm in one of those movie reveal moments, when the character realizes or finds out that he has powers and privileges unimaginable in his ordinary life, that turns his life around in an instant. I wish that. In every door knob I turn, or letter I open.
I wish I am taken away from the mundane and taken to live a life and world of fantastic. But the reality is...
...dreams are worked on before they get fulfilled. Luck sometimes happen but to heroes, it's their decision that turns their life around. The single decision when they say, "this is enough;" "I have to do this now." I'm tired of announcing to the world the cliches "I've found me," "World, here I come," or "Finally, I am here." There are no fantasies here in this world. There are just actions. And sometimes, in moments like this, I just have to write to document the status of my mind and remember why or why not I am living the life I want.
Right now, facing two very real challenges that anchor me to the safety of the mundane, the safety of the familiar and the ordinary, I am fighting to continue to discover who else I can be. I admire the men who charted their own paths in the world without regard to the challenges their families will face because of their own journey.
Do I love my family too much that I am willing to sacrifice the prime of my life just to deliver their needs? Do I put too much importance on a romantic bond that I'd want to promise forever, but I cannot because forever means getting tied with limited access to life options? Are my current conveniences holding me back? For example, am I willing to lose my car in favor of battling it out again and hopefully get another one (which should be leagues in upgrade) in the process? But maybe, I'm asking the wrong questions. The leader in me asks me, shouldn't the question be, how I can move forward with all of these in my bag of responsibilities?
I want to produce events, but how without money? I want to study interior design so I can design spaces and things, but how without time? I want to design experiences, but how without the means? I feel like my true life, the one I should be living, the one I am here for to live, is living under the surface of my regular life as a brother, as a loving partner, as a manager. And sometimes, I wish I'm in one of those movie reveal moments, when the character realizes or finds out that he has powers and privileges unimaginable in his ordinary life, that turns his life around in an instant. I wish that. In every door knob I turn, or letter I open.
I wish I am taken away from the mundane and taken to live a life and world of fantastic. But the reality is...
...dreams are worked on before they get fulfilled. Luck sometimes happen but to heroes, it's their decision that turns their life around. The single decision when they say, "this is enough;" "I have to do this now." I'm tired of announcing to the world the cliches "I've found me," "World, here I come," or "Finally, I am here." There are no fantasies here in this world. There are just actions. And sometimes, in moments like this, I just have to write to document the status of my mind and remember why or why not I am living the life I want.
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